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Protective of You
I have observed something lately.
Ever since Heathcliff confessed to me, there has been an uneasy feeling within my chest. As for the reason, I cannot pinpoint it just yet.
I recall the incident that occured a few days ago. There had been signs that Heathcliff had some feeling of affection towards me. Our conversation had been a normal one before it happened.
Heathcliff
REMEMBER
So, Meur. Been wondering lately. Do you like anybody in this bloody bus?
I did not think such observations were particularly important, unless it was important to the job at hand. And most of the time, it was not. I answered accordingly.
Meursault
SOLEIL
I am not inclined to give my comments on the matter as they are irrelevant.
Heathcliff
REMEMBER
Hahh...It's kinda hard getting anything out of you!
Heathcliff
REMEMBER
I don't really understand it. You really don't feel for anyone? At all?
I could not comment on this. We continued to talk, nonetheless. Or rather, he talked and I simply listened. Sometimes, I gave my comments. It was a learning process I was advised to follow.
Then, all of a sudden, in the midst of a topic I knew little about, Heathcliff turned towards me. His face was sweating and there was a blush.
Heathcliff
REMEMBER
Look, man.
Heathcliff
REMEMBER
This is just between the both of us, and don't think it changes anything.
Heathcliff
REMEMBER
But I like you a lot. Got that?
Heathcliff
REMEMBER
'xcuse me.
He stood up, and left for his room. It took me a moment to understand what he meant. No one else heard his confession to me. This secret was kept solely between the both of us.
I had not spoken to him since. Yet, I do not know why. These feelings were difficult for me to understand in full. Affection felt foreign when you have been set out to work forever.
The sun's rays hurt my eyes as the morning passed and we hauled bodies into the bus. There was nothing to note, other than that not everybody was outside.
I failed to observe something completely.
Heathcliff
REMEMBER
Oi...Oi, stop that!
Dying Man
Backstreets Thug
YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
While I had been spacing out, I did not realize that there was a man who was still sound enough to attack. He swung his knife towards Heathcliff. Before it could strike his face, I grabbed the arm and twisted it.
Dying Man
Backstreets Thug
ARRRGHH!!!
Meursault
SOLEIL
Please remain still. I will handle this one.
It was not necessary to crack someone's bones like that. To twist their neck so that they die in seconds. I felt that was a better way to go out. But there was surely another reason why my hands beat that man until he was black and blue.
When I threw him into the mouth of the bus, I felt the heat get to me. And Heathcliff was behind, scratching his neck.
Heathcliff
REMEMBER
Sheesh, I shoulda been more careful. Thanks for that.
Reckless. When Heathcliff and I spoke to each other, a few days ago, I felt as though I could listen to him all day. I understood him in a matter that no one else did. That was what I believed.
To affirm one's feelings when time had already passed was difficult for many. That uneasiness in me slowly went away the closer I was to him.
Meursault
SOLEIL
Heathcliff.
He liked me a lot, and I liked him a lot. When he faced me, I wanted to embrace him again.
Meursault
SOLEIL
Please be careful next time.
He nodded. There was much I wanted to say. I could not say them. It did not feel right to reciprocate verbally. Not yet.
What I can understand, from this incident alone, is that until I am able to gather what I can, I must make sure he is safe with me.